My Blog

THE TRANSPO1. Driving a car to school,which is automatic 10 ganda points.2. Hatid-sundo 10 ganda points3. Chaffeur-driven 20 ganda points4. Carpool, 5 ganda points6. No ganda points for those who ride the jeep

THE PEDIGREE1. If the family name is associated with politics, add 10 ganda points.2. If it's a crony sounding name, subtract 50 ganda points (ill-gotten rep).3. If the lineage could be traced to a Spanish friar, add another 10 ganda points (tisay muy bien!)4. If it's a taipan sounding name as in Sy or Gokongwei, add 10 ganda points.5. No ganda points for ethnic sounding family names.

THE ADDRESS1. A Makati address gets an automatic 5 ganda points while an Alabang address an automatic 10 ganda points.2. If in Makati, Dasma, Magallanes, and Forbes, plus 20, San Lorenzo Village and San Antonio Village plus 10, Bel Air plus 5.3. 10 ganda points for New Manila, Greenhills, San Juan and Valle Verde.4. No ganda points for those who live in Corinthian Garden because it's the popular address of corrupt government officials and generals.5. In Q.C., 10 ganda points for residents or even dormers of Xavierville, La Vista, Loyola Grand Villas and Ayala Heights.6. "Gilage (as in gilid ng La Vista) people", minus 5 ganda points.7. No ganda points for Looban, Gagalangin, Calumpang, San Andres Bukid, and Novaliches residents. 

THE HIGH SCHOOL1. high school diploma in the States or U.K,20 ganda points (lamang lang sila sa inglesan)2. Any school abroad, plus 15 ganda points.3. If an alumnus of any all-girls Catholic school, 10 ganda points.4. Basta nakatapos ng high school, plus 5 ganda points.THE I.Q.and the SOCIAL LIFE1. beauty and brains, dean's lister, but still has a social life, goes out with her friends, etc 50 ganda points2. braniac, spends her time in the lib, has to go home early coz she has to study type, in short, kj - minus 10 points3. average student, slacks off once in a while, but still passes her subjects, 20 ganda points4. PARTY girl all day all night!!!! minus 205. duh!?! whatever! - minus 20 points

THE PORMA1. classic skirts, denims, capris, slacks, blouse, 3/4s, sleeveless, sandals 30 ganda points2. casual T-shirt, jeans, sneakers, simple pero maayos and mukha pa ring neat 20 ganda points3. short shorts, spaghetti straps, hanging shirts kung sexy – plus 10 ganda points, kung hindi - minus 20 ganda points4. sporty attire, jazz pants, prestos - 10 ganda points5. big shirts, baggy jeans - rubber shoes, sloppy - minus 20 ganda points

THE WAY SHE SPEAKS1. fluent in english, tagalog, and knows some other language (spanish, french, italian, etc.) - 30 ganda points2. speaks either in straight English or straight Filipino 30 Ganda pts.3. speaks in english, and a little tagalog, 20 ganda points4. taglish, but not maarte, 10 ganda points5. tagalog, but knows how to speak in english, 10 ganda points6. taglish, as in "you know like...you make tusok the fishballs", minus 10 points7. trying hard to speak english - minus 20 points8. barok english- minus 50 ganda points 

THE BODY1. vavavoom sexy! big boobs, nice butt, firm arms, toned abs, long legs, well-proportioned body, 50 ganda points2. slim, toned body, healthy, curves at the right places (mukhang nagwo-work-out naman) 40 ganda points3. model slim, healthy-looking pa rin, 30 ganda points4. average body, may love handles here and there, pero ok lang...she still carries herself well! 20 ganda points5. a little chubby, but still acceptable, basta healthy, 10 points6. macho woMAN...too much male hormones..or steroids?! minus 20 ganda points dahil exagg!7. anorexic, mukhang skeleton, minus 108. mukang refrigerator, minus 20 ganda points

THE FACE1. naturally beautiful...kahit walang make-up, maganda talaga! nicely-shaped brows, fine nose, red lips, beautiful eyes, the works! 50 ganda points2. fresh and clean! cute face- 40 ganda points3. ok face, nadadala ng light make-up, 20 points4. mukhacne, you can fry an egg in her face- minus 20 pts5. kabuki, super kapal ng make-up, minus 30 ganda points 

THE BOYLETS1. If the current honey or the former cupcake is a model automatic 50 ganda points.2. never had a bf but has a long line of really okay admirers - automatic 50 ganda points3. An athlete (basketball, soccer, tennis, golf, rowing...), 40 ganda points4. A big man on campus, 40 ganda points.5. If the typical cute boy, 30 ganda points.6. if the boylet is a total loser, the feeling gwapo, puro porma, bonehead type, minus 10 ganda points.7. Kung sinulot sa kaibigan, minus 50 ganda points.8. A mainstay of That's Entertainment or a soap opera artist, minus100 ganda points.

THE GANDA INDEX

Mukhacne (pimple na tinubuan ng mukha) - negative ganda points Pwede na..pero pwede iba na lang - 0-30 ganda points

Pang-MTB and Eat Bulaga - 31-50 ganda points

Cutie Pie- 51-100 gandapoints

Pretty Woman - 101-150 ganda points

Major Babe- 151-200 ganda points

Goddess- 201 and above

Last week I took my children to a restaurant My six year old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table. 

He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer. "Really?" my son asked. "Cross my heart," the man replied. Then in a theatrical whisper he added(indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

THE END

I loved this story! Please keep it moving. Sometimes we all need some ice cream. I hope God sends you some ice cream today!

Pick the MONTH that you were born and put it on
the SUBJECT LINE. Then re-post it AS YOUR OWN BLOG.
Your friends might understand you better…

———-JANUARY——————-

Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks
far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily
influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken.
Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind.
Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always
wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and
humorous.
Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that
someone* always on his/her mind. Talkative.
Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends.
Abiding. Able to show character. one guy/girl kind
of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting
colds. loves music. pretty/handsome. Loves to
dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows
emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn. Repost this in
5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days
that will perfectly balance your personality.

———-FEBRUARY——————–

Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
and
loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom.
Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness.
Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really
easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary
things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it.
Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing
dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and
leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside.
Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to
learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and
you will talk to someone new and realize that you
are a perfect match.

—————–MARCH——————–

Attractive personality. sexy. Affectionate Shy and
reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous
and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up
feelings. Observant and assesses others.If you
repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your
new love in 8 days.

——————APRIL——————-

Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
memory.
Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for
information. Able to cheer evryone up and/or make
them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others.
Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper.
Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy.
Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling.
Systematic. hott but has brains. If you repost
this in 5 mins, a cutie that’s caught your eye
will introduce themself and you will realize that
you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

—————–MAY—————–

Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and
highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep
feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm
Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards
oppisite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left
brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance.
Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and
neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak
breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves
traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not
having many children. Hardworking. High spirited.
If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will
become close to someone you do not speak to
much in the next 4 days.

————JUNE————-

You’ve got the best personality and are an
absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make
new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt
and more than likely have an a very attractive
partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than
likely that you have a massive record collection.
You have a great choice in films, and may one day
become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
you’ve got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days
you will meet someone that may possibly become
one of your closest friends, if you repost this
in 5 minutes.

—————-JULY————–

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and
to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily
consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s
feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy
at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never
forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary
things. Guides others physically and mentally.
Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring
and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through
observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in
studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about
the past and the old friends. Waits for friends.
Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless
provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes
long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins
and your reputation will boost someway in the next
12 days

————AUGUST—————

outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on
attention. no self control. kind hearted. self
confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every
thing’s peachy" attitude. likes talking and
singing. loves music. daydreamer. easily
distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG
imagination. loves to be loved. hates studying. in
need of "that someone". longs for freedom.
rebellious when withheld or restricted. lives by
"no pain no gain" caring. always a suspect.
playful. mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to
everyone. stubborn. curious. independent. strong
willed. a fighter. repost in 5 mins and you will
meet the love of your life sometime next month.

————SEPTEMBER—————

Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional. Stubborn.
Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself
and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes
sexy in a way that only their lover can
understand. if you do not repost this in the next
5 mins, someone very close to you will become
mad at you in the next 8 days.

—————OCTOBER——————-

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to
takes things at the center. Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely
smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of
them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not
meet the love of your life for 10 years.

—————NOVEMBER——————–

Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very
emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets
new people easily and very social in a group.
Fearless and independent. Can hold their own.
Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart.
Usually, the greatest men are born in this month.
If you ever begin a relationship with someone
from this month, hold on to them because their
one of a kind. repost in 5 mins & you will excell
in a major event coming up sometime this month.

—————DECEMBER—————

This straight-up means ur the most good-looking
person possible…better than all of these other
months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends
to delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to
joke.
Good debating skills. Has that someone always on
his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly.
Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show
character. one guy/girl kind of person. Loveable.
Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music.
pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to
recover when hurt. Sensitive. A hott new guy/girl
will catch your eye & you will catch theirs too in
the next 6 days, if you repost in the next 5 mins

 BEWARE: Do you really know  "  Where is Your Pepsi® Coming From? "

Please link to this site: http://biznizjizm.actiononline.biz/marketing/2006/04/02/
where-is-your-pepsi-coming-from/

This Post is Dedicated to All Lives that were Lost
last September 11,
2001

Dylan Avery has created a documentary about the 9-11 tragedy and has
documented everything very well. I still give the benefit of the doubt, his
documentary video may be questionable, but the news and press releases with the
known and accepted truth are also questionable. True or not, I believe people
should see this video and give it to the viewer to decide for the video about
the September 11, 2001 tragedy on four airplane crashes at the World
Trade Center
in New York, the Pentagon and the
failed airplane crash heading for the White House.

A few points described well in this video:

• 7 of 8 black boxes were not found for all plane crashes. Black boxes that record all flight data are stored in heavy titanium that can withstand almost all of the toughest physical damage.
• Eye witness accounts say that the first plane, American Airlines Flight 11 that hit the World
     Trade Center did not look like a commercial airplane at all.
• Videos seems to show an explosion just before impact of the second plane, United Airlines Flight 175, signifying a missle was shot just before impact.
• The crash at the Pentagon did not seem to be caused by a Boeing 757, American Airlines Flight 77. All it had was a small hole and no damage was caused by the large wings a Boeing
    757 has and all lamp post were bent away from the Pentagon.
• No large debris of a Boeing 757 was found around the Pentagon. All debris were carried by hand.
• Many airplane parts are made of Titanium that has a melting point of 1,688^oC. And high grade jet fuel burns at a maximum of 1,000^oC. Many engine parts should be visible even after the crash event.
• The Pentagon Flight 77 crash engine debris found looked like a single turbo prop engine that experts say came from a JT8D Turbofan Engine from a US Air Force A3 Skywarrior that only a few are flying today.
• The defuser case found at the Pentagon crash did not have the same defuser case similar to a Boeing 757 of American Airlines Flight 77.
• The wheel hub found was not consistent with a wheel hub of a Boeing 757 but similar to smaller military aircraft.
• The damage caused on the Pentagon looks like a cruise missle damage.
• Eye witnesses tell mixed stories, some saw a commercial airplane, some saw something that did not look like a commercial airplane.
• A plane looking like a military C-130 was flying right after the so called crash event.
• The Sheraton Hotel surveillance camera that has the Pentagon in view was confiscated by the FBI, minutes after the attack.
• Many of the eyewitnesses of the event at the World Trade Center were convinced that
       there were many explosions after the planes crashed into the World Trade Center. And in the history of many burning buildings, only one aside from the twin towers have collapsed due to internal fire. Signifying that the World Trade Center was demolished using professional controled demolition explosions. The explosions are viewable on tape.
• The base of the World Trade Center after the event during clean up has shown evidence of molten steel right at the base of the main foundation. As if the bottom was exploded by
       bombs.
• The lobby looks like it was exploded by a bomb and exploded even before collapse and the airplane crash happened 94 more floors above.
• Underwriters Laboratories’ Kevin Ryan wrote a letter to Frank Gail of the of the National Institute of Science and Technology saying that the steel used for the construction of the World Trade Center passed ASTM E119 steel strength quality and it will require 2000^oF, and for it to melt and causing the whole tower to collapse will need about 3000^oF to melt and cause it to fall. After a few days, Kevin Ryan was fired from his job.
• Video cameras were not operational during the 9-11 tragedy and bomb sniffing dogs were removed just before the event.
• The plane that claimed to fail to crash at the White House, United Airlines Flight 93 crashed in Pennsylvania had almost no debris but a small crater. The victims of the crash claimed
       to have called through their cellphones. And cellphones are not usable when in flight.
• Eyewitnesses did not see a commercial plane flying over the Pennsylvania but noticed a different plane that seemed to be a military aircraft minutes before and after the crash event.
• Video of Osama Bin Laden who claimed to have admitted the crash does not seem to be Osama Bin Laden, FBI files says Osama Bin Laden is left handed. And the video shows Osama
  Bin Laden writing with his right hand and wears a gold ring and watch.
• Why some of the alledged hijackers are still alive. Very weird. But the FBI claimed that the actual pilots used falsified papers are not really the actual people.

Dylan Avery ends his video saying:

I know that it is hard to imagine that our own government would murder
almost 3,000 innocent people. But once you begin to accept that possibility, you can no longer go back to the
19 Arabs, or melting trusses or let’s roll. The official story becomes the
conspiracy theory. America has been hijacked, not by Al-Qaeda, not by Osama Bin Laden, but by a group of
tyrants ready and willing to do whatever it takes to keep their stranglehold on
this country. So what are we going to do about it? Are we going to sit down and
take it? Or are we going to stand up and fight for what ever little freedoms we
have left? The story of flight 93 is a perfect metaphor for the state of this
country. A group of heroes willing to sacrifice themselves for the good of the
nation. Voted to take matters into their own hands, no matter the consequences.
The time has come. Let’s roll.

Disclaimer: This blog post does not neccessarily voice out the views of the
owner of this blog. This blog did not verify any truthfullness of this blog
post and advises the readers of this blog and viewers of this video that is it
the reader’s/viewer’s discretion whether or not to believe in this blog post.
Which is the same with religion, what your teachers teach you in school, what
your parents told you, what you read in books, and what you hear in a network
marketing seminar. Think twice and use Rene Descartes’ rule of doubting
everyting before believing to know the truth. Sabi nga ng Grin Department,
Isipin ng sampung beses, count to 1, count to 2, count 3… count to 10, kantuten.

This blog post is
a reposting of the same article I posted on my other blog. The latest news
is I also bought myself a copy of the video, both first and second editions
from Loose Change 911
Information. Once I receive the CD in the mail, I will post about the
second edition.

Please Link to this page for the Video:

http://blog.benjarriola.com/2006/03/26/
this-post-is-dedicated-to-all-lives-that-were-lost-last-september-11-2001/

A long time ago there was this little Italian boy in the fields with his
dad. Looking at his dad’s hands, the boy say’s "papa, you do many
many things with your hands, tell me about your fingers."

"Well Tony," Papa said, "You see this first finger? You
usea thisa one to pointata what evea you wanta. You see youa thumb? You
usea thisa for turna pages in a book, and your ringa finger, you will use
whena you get a married, and your little finga, you use to picka you nose.
And the middle finga, well, I’lla tella you about thata one when you getta
married."

Well, Tony was satisfied with that and time past. It was now Tony’s wedding
day. It was a beautiful wedding, just before the bride and groom left,
Tony went to have a talk with Papa. Tony said, "Papa, many a year
I use this finger to point at what I want, and I turna many a pages with
my thumb, I’ve picked my nose with this little one, now I have a beautiful
ring on my finger from the love of my life, but Papa, what is it I do with
this middle finger?"

Papa drew close to Tony and said "Tony tonight you will make mad hot
love to your woman many times and you may become tired, when that happens
and your woman turns to you again wanting to makea the love againa, that’s
when you takea your middle finga and you poka on her head and say, ‘Go
back to sleep you silly woman!’"

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here’s to spending the rest
of me life between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best
toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church
beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street
corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the
other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You
know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep,
and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing
on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.

"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked.

"I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving
in a sinful manner. There’s drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it - another
Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex.
According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out
of five dentists recommend it. I’m afraid the oral sex thing has reached
epidemic proportions on Earth."

"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations
as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"

"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages
in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what
will happen to them on Judgment Day if they do not stop this type of activity."
replied St. Peter.

"That is an effective solution," God stated, "but I think
that instead of punishing those 88% who practice oral sex, we should reward
those 12% who refrain from it. Let’s send a letter that’s personally signed
by me to each one of those good people." And so they did.

Do you know what the letter said?
?
?
?
?
(scroll down)
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
No?
(scroll down a little more)
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Hmmm…You didn’t get the letter either, huh??

It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter in law arrives
in the family, everything changes. Some daughters in law are well trained
and well mannered!!!! They don’t come to change the family, they are there
to…..

The new wife (progressive Indian woman of today) was being welcomed at
the husband’s home in a traditional manner. As expected she gave a speech:

"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family,"
she said. "Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want
to change your way of life, your routine. No, I will never do that, never
in a million years".

"What do you mean my child?"  Asked the father in law.

"What I mean dad is (looking at her father in law):
Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked shouldn’t stop at my account, and
Those who used to Clean should continue cleaning."

"Then what are you here for?"  Asked the mother in law.

"As for me, my job is to entertain your son!"

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
 
Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her
at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more
willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You’re next." They stopped after I started
doing the same thing to them at funerals.

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN
HANDLE IT.